Harry and the Giant Marshmallow
by Oort
Summary: There is a giant marshmallow that's eating people. It's funnier than it sounds. Please R&R. Rated for insanity and people being eaten. My first try at a HP fic. I added chapter 2!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Of course I don't own Harry Potter. I wish I did, so that I could have millions and hundreds of millions of $.  
  
Author: Hello and welcome to this fanfic. Be aware, it makes Harry Potter seem insane and has no plot. The story is told from Harry's point of view in 1st person.  
  
I was in the hall having lunch when professor Umbridge started yelling. "Attention all students: There is an unusual monster roaming the halls. You are all to report to your common rooms immediately. Stay there and work on your homework. The monster is shaped like a large white blob. If you see it, immediately commence panicking and screaming and someone will probably notice. If no one arrives within three hours, panic louder."  
  
I wasn't very worried. Monsters were no big deal at Hogwarts. Occasionally someone would be killed, but I always came out alive, with a few scrapes and scratches. So I wasn't very concerned with the monster. Since I was always fine, I didn't feel I needed to worry. I feel like eating some cupcakes. Or Oreos. Or cupcakes made from Oreos. Whatever.  
  
On my way back to the common room, I met Hermione. She was talking with a girl from Ravenclaw at lunch today. Hermione said "Hello Harry. What do you think the monster could be? I haven't heard about it in the textbooks." Naturally, I assumed this was a death threat. I yelled, "You Fool!" and took out my wand, then shouted my favorite spell: "Corpus explodicus!" Unfortunately, I had some bad luck at that moment and missed, even though she was only a foot away from me. My spell hit a giant marshmallow that was about to eat Hermione. I was annoyed by this, seeing as how my spell was supposed to kill Hermione, but only saved her from a giant marshmallow about to kill her.  
  
I heard a strange belching sound but suppressed my urge to belch back in response. "So," Malfoy sneered. "It seems you destroyed that huge marshmallow. I'm taking ten points from Gryffindor. You weren't supposed to destroy the monster, only to panic. And we don't know that was the monster."  
  
Hearing this compliment, I shook his hand and walked off. I didn't notice that the marshmallow was reforming and then it ate two people. Malfoy deducted 10 points from the houses of the people it swallowed. Then it ate Malfoy. Then he used his last breath of air to give Slytherin 36,777,888 points. I don't know how I can tell you this, seeing as I wasn't there and no one told me. Anyway, back to the brilliant and amazing me.  
  
I felt like pacing, so I just wandered aimlessly. A few minutes later, a giant white blob swallowed me. It's insides tasted like marshmallow. I was mildly concerned by this, not because I was being eaten alive, but because a giant marshmallow had come to life with a hunger for human flesh. That wasn't what concerned me, only the fact that it had no stomach to digest its victims in would stop it from actually eating people, but it could only kill them. Noticing that I was being killed, I prepared to use my favorite spell. I pointed my wand at myself, being in the center of the marshmallow, and used my last breath to sing "Corpus explodicus". As I hoped, the marshmallow exploded and the force threw me into the side of the hall, a white paste covering everything. I ate some marshmallow, and then yelled "Suiticus cleanus!" The white paste was pulled of my robes and I even barfed up the marshmallow I ate. The rest of the marshmallow reformed into itself in the middle of the hall. "Oh no" I thought. "Spells don't work on it, and I can't stop it with my bare hands! They would just sink into the goo, then I would be sucked in and eaten again."  
  
So I put on my gloves, and I punched it in the face. And I said, "And that's the end of that chapter." Then it tried to eat me again. Having thrown my wand into a garbage bin so that this would be a fair fight, I had no way to escape. Luckily, before I died, I typed the whole story down and posted it on the Internet so that you could read it. So you better review it, or I'll haunt you, just like Billy did to Ren in the story that Oort creatively named "Billy". I'd like to thank Oort, because his stories are all very good.  
  
And the moral of the story is: If you like cheese, don't stuff it into the little holes in your computer/monitor. 


	2. See Through Anothers Eyeswait, marshmall...

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, Yu-gi-oh or Bart Simpson. If Mr. Puff is copyrighted, I don't own him either.  
  
Author: Hi! Thanks for the reviews! Without reviews, I get sick and die! SO R&R! There weren't many reviews for the story! (Sob), but now I'm updating! Now my story will be closer to the top of the list and more people will notice it and read it and review it! Then more stories will arrive in the list and it will be pushed back and I'll need to update again! Anyways, back to the story. In the last chapter, Harry died, so I can no longer tell the story from his point of view. Now I'll tell it from the giant marshmallows point of view. The views said in the following story are not necessarily those of Oort or his human counterpart. R&R!!! Ciao! ^_^ O_O  
NNOOOOO!!! Wait! There's one more thing to say: Please REVIEW ME and PUT ME ON YOUR FAV. AUTHORS LIST!  
  
Yes, it is I, the giant marshmallow that eats people! And here is my story of how I ate Harry Potter, and some other wizards. I have to eat people to stay alive, and I also need people to sacrifice to my god, Mr. Puff, the Marshmallow man. (Insert image of a giant man made of marshmallows. He is wearing a sailor costume.) I also have an assortment of smaller candy gods I worship, but the biggest, most important one is Mr. Puff. Anyways, back to the story.  
  
I had just come alive, or been born or created or whatever. I felt hungry. I instantly knew that I had to eat human flesh. I noticed I was in a large castle. Once I took over it and eat everyone, I decided to give it a new name. "Hogwarts" doesn't sound very good to me. The new sign would say: "Candyland: Realm of the Giant Marshmallow." Next to the sign I would have a billboard giving announcements, like: "Human sacrifice to Mr. Puff at 8:00" or "Human feast (a feast where you eat humans) is on Tuesday the seventh." Now, to go find someone to eat so we can get back to the story. We haven't actually started the story yet, so I'm getting annoyed.  
  
I was wandering the looking for a meal. I ate a cat first. It was too small and furry. Then I ate some big fat guy who was with the cat. He was too big flabby. Then I ate a student. They were juuuust right. (an: This was a reference to goldilocks and the 3 bears.) I ate some more unsuspecting students and went on my way. I later saw a long line of students and decided to eat some.  
  
I was about to eat a brown haired girl talking to a strange boy. The girl said something to the very strange boy, and then he yelled, "You fool!" at her. He then took out his wand and pointed it at her and right before he finished his spell, "Corpus Explodicus", he pointed his wand at me. I exploded, but was okay. The boy talked to another strange boy for a minute and then walked off. I reformed myself and ate several more students.  
  
Then I decided to go looking for the boy. I wanted to eat him before he could explode me again. I found him in a random hallway mumbling angrily to himself. I snuck up from behind him and ate him. Before he died, he exploded me again but I reformed myself. He then threw away his wand, put on his gloves and punched me in my.private area. I suppose he didn't know that, seeing as how a marshmallow has no distinguishable organs. He then said that it was "The end of that chapter". This baffled me for a moment, and then I ate him. Before he died, he went to a computer and typed up a story and then posted it on the Internet. I don't know how he held his breath that long. I wonder what happened to him. oh, yeah. He died and I ate him.  
  
REVIEW IT! NOW! 


	3. Just a note

Author: Hi! Konnichiwa! Ohla! I just wanted to say something: This story can't really go anywhere (at least not anywhere far away) because the main character dies and without him not that much can happen. Granted, the giant Marshmallow is still around, but he can't take the story that far either. I am hereby discontinuing the story unless you have a better idea. And you don't. Admit it! In a review! 


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